The latest release from the house of DC Comics is Batman Vs Superman: Dawn Of Justice where two of their greatest superheroes star on the same screen, pitted against each other. How did the movie go? Well, by the look of Ben Affleck’s face, not that great.
Well, first let’s take a look at DC’s arch nemesis, Marvel. They have super successful franchises for each of their superheroes, and their Avengers movies have been breaking box office records globally. It looks like DC wanted to make a similar impression, and haphazardly they did, releasing Batman Vs Superman, the prequel to the Justice League of America movie. Not to mention the to-be released Suicide Squad movie, which hands down is going to be the blockbuster of Summer ’16. Back to Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice. It does no one any justice.
This is Ben Affleck’s first foray as the dark knight. He was taking over from the big boots formerly filled with favorites such as Michael Keaton, George Clooney and our generation’s Christian Bale. They were bloody fantastic. A lot of pressure was on the Gone Girl actor, and self-declared fans weren’t thrilled about the announcement. They were right. Because in his debut, Affleck looked nothing short of exhausted and somewhat tired. Maybe all those muscle-building regimens were taking a toll on him. As for the Man of Steel, Henry Cavill, he looked pissed sharing the screen with another form of testosterone. He must’ve signed one hell of a contract with DC to even agree to do this movie.
Now, for the review, we must warn that there are spoilers ahead, which at first may come off as jokes, but are actually what the storyline was about. Read on…
The movie begins with that scene we’ve seen a thousand times – in previous Batman movies and even on Gotham. The childhood scene of the Bat’s parents being shot to death in front of him and then him having nightmares and visions and mommy issues from then on. Of course, we also come across Clark Kent’s double life, with too much unnecessary screen time being given to his private life with Lois Lane, played by Amy Adams. No doubt, the Oscar-winning actress did a pretty good job, but let’s be real – the only reason we have love interests around is to add some appeal to the hardcore superhero roles. It’s always a wonder how men with superpowers, a la Thor, Iron Man and every other “god” is willing to give his life to a frail human, but we digress. Now here’s what is supposed to be a joke, but is actually one of the beginning scenes of the movie – it takes over from the last Superman movie and the Krypton hero damages billionaire Wayne’s property, so Batman starts hating the man and vows revenge. Enter Lex Luther. Now, a lot of people are saying that Jesse Eisenberg is annoying as the villain, but no one can deny that playing an annoying scientist is also a talent, right? There is no sign of any of the anti-heroes of Arkham Asylum, rather just Lex trying to pitch Batman against Superman and kill the man who “answers to no one, I think, not even to God”. Yes, that is actually a line from the movie.
And here is the most WTF moment of the film – Batman is about to kill Superman with a kryptonite spear, when Superman mentions “Martha” – and OMG, that is the pinnacle, the whole plot-twist in the movie, because the Bat’s mommy issues (as mentioned earlier) come to the fore, because what do you know?! Both their mommies share the same name! These grown-ass, superheroes must now stand together and save an old lady from the big bad guys. And in between these unbelievably lame moments, the Flash, Aquaman and Cyborg make their cameos, preparing us for Justice League of America. Of course, the way they are introduced are more like trailers to their respective movies, still it was pretty exciting, especially after cameos made by Anderson Cooper, Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Kevin Costner on a mountain, throwing rocks. The cold, dead body of General Zod, who was obliterated in Man of Steel also makes an appearance, and is used by Lex to build Doomsday, this icky-sticky being who is supposed to be “indestructible”, but dies when the mere mortal Lois Lane recovers the aforementioned kryptonite spear and then Superman sacrifices his life for humanity. Gal Gadot plays Wonder Woman who actually does a more than descent job in the disaster flick.
We guarantee you will be playing a game of lame-lamer-lamest between scenes, to check which sucked more than the other. Of course, the worst part is Batman and Superman becoming BFFs within two seconds, after wanting to kill each other in the first half of the movie. The movie is sluggish, badly put together and hurriedly made. Of course, we can finally agree that this generation is stupid, because the movie apparently made $170 million in the United States alone and $400 million in the opening weekend.
Ben Affleck as Batman
Henry Cavill as Superman
Amy Adams as Lois Lane
Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor
Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman
Warner Bros. Pictures